After the mixed response I got while in Los Angeles, I was convinced that my management was going to drop me. I know I wasn’t all that bad but a certain someone had me second guessing myself while I was there and it mind fucked me for a few days. To my surprise though, while catching up on emails this morning I found that  my running around naked and making out with chicks was apparently pretty good for business. Who knew that the one event I went to as a fan instead of the talent would garner such a demand?! According to her, “Your behavior has been described as rock and roll, captivating and real”, she went on to say “I have had roughly 60 contacts expressing an interest in your attending events and to work with you”. Ironic since I was not working there at all, but merely doing what I do whenever I go out but hey I’ll take it.  So far, it’s looking like I’ll be attending a few tattoo conventions, some adult entertainment events and possibly appear in a hardcore (the music genre, not the porn brand) video. Um.. yeah.. guess you never know!  I don’t know who all saw me, or why the sudden increase but thanks Big ups to the BDS team for throwing such a great party, to the beautiful and talented folks who made me all nice and pretty and to those who rocked out with me.

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and that somebody is me. I am not even going to lie, I totally deserve to be! I started in this particular area as a social experiment with some friends and when I was actually in demand,  I did not take it very seriously. See today I was called by my agent who was A-N-G-R-Y at my blase’ attitude towards the casting calls and openings she send me. She is furious at my recent no shows, furious at my lack of direction and furious at me not doing all of the things she has been asking me. After a very stern, expletive filled conversation I have realized that she is absolutely right. She works hard for me and I have in fact been unappreciative.

I can’t even really excuse my behaviour. All I can say is this, I want to do so many things that I have been hesitant to move forward with one thing or the other for fear of limiting myself.. if that makes any sense. I am a self saboteur by nature. Lack of passion has nothing to do it, it’s more of an abundance of it. I just have my hands in so many things that I… ugh… how do I explain this… moped myself into a corner?  She understood my point of view, and I understand hers and now her and I have come up with a task list of things such as current head shots, body modification, etc and a wants list. The wants list is a good way to keep my hand in all areas of my interest and giving her a more direct idea of what it is that I want to do.

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