I swear my mind works in the craziest way! I fell asleep last night to Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ (hey that in itself is a feat as I do not listen to anything even remotely close to her normally) and somehow subconsciously I took the lyrics of that song and began to dream of some off the wall images which I plan to blend into my next shoot. I’m guessing that by reading the title you have a good idea of the main theme… Butcher knife wielding ballerinas.
For the longest time I have always held onto the idea that ballerinas would be the perfect assassins (yes, I am quite strange) and in my dream visions of graceful, whimsical beauties were fluttering about with gigantic butcher knives. The idea stems more from the ‘fall from grace’ many women tend to experience when they’ve had their first true heart-break. Sort of like this innocent, angelic embodiment of all things feminine turned into something diabolically sweet.
Naturally this shoot will take place with the great Scott Davis. So, what do you think? Hot or not?

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First things first, I absolutely adore the idea of vampires. They are so sexy, so alluring, the ultimate in seduction and predators. They’re hot! So when I decided to take my love of vampires to the camera, this is what I came up with. Honest opinions though folks, you read above what my idea of a vampire is, do you think I captured that?

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Perhaps I am having what StillThinking calls an “ugly girl” day, or perhaps it’s this recent series of ugly girl days but I have decided with almost 97% certainty that this coming Wednesday will be my final shoot. It’s not that I don’t think I am good at it, because from my small but loyal fan following it is clear that I am… I just feel like I am more of a novelty to some people than an actual person. I get love letters from people whom I do not know, yet those I love dearly enjoy showing me off once or twice and then go to a low key relationship. I don’t do anything low key, and this never happened before I modeled. Even in my acting spurt,  people seemed to be okay with my unconventional ways and appearance. Now I am either silenced (didn’t you know pretty girls are not allowed to be smart) or I get this strong gut feeling that people are actually embarrassed to be seen with me.  I mean I am a whole lot of woman, from the tip of my opinionated pink coiffed head to my former combat boot wearing electric blue toenails. I will never change that part of me, it’s who I am at a core level… but I also hate limitations, social norms and feeling used. So maybe the lesser of two evils is to give up that which makes me a novelty so I can focus more on something else that makes me who I am. I feel like I am stalling myself, setting limits that are either A. embarrassing mates or B. giving them an inferiority complex. I will hate not being able to shoot on a whim, but maybe.. just maybe I wont be so much a joke to those I love.

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These photos are not supposed to be pretty, quite the opposite in fact. They are supposed to show the ugly feelings that so many tend to sweep under the rug. I love taking negativity and despondency (this shoot was only 12 days after the miscarriage) and running with it creatively because it makes something that forces the viewer to feel something. I love working with Scott Davis because he, like me, is not afraid to get dirty and touch on things that many wouldn’t dare. Kudos to Scott for this shoot, I see beauty in vulnerability.

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